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I received letters from him at least once a week. He would tell me what he was up to, - within reason anyway as we both knew our letters were read by the screws before we got them.- I missed him a lot.My father died a couple of years after I had been locked up, taken by a surprise heart attack. It really was a surprise. He had always been a fit, strong bloke, but the stress of his only son being locked up for 20 years took its toll on him. My mother then died within 12 months of dad, - of a broken heart my sister always said, - leaving me with just my much-older siblings. My nieces and nephew didn't really want to know about me. They blamed me wholly for the loss of their beloved grandparents, - something I totally understood, I blamed myself too.By the time I was released, - 20 years to the day after I had first been incarcerated, - one of my sisters had passed away too and the other had simply stopped keeping in touch. Her return letters to me had gradually dried up until I. He looked desperate. I could see that he didn’t want to lose me. My heart melted and the butterflies returned to my tummy (and lower down!). ‘No you don’t have to,’ he almost shouted. I looked straight in his eyes, they were almost brimming with tears, ….’ or go to bed with you,’ I finished saying. It was so funny really, I laughed, ‘Oh you do look silly, close your mouth.’ He had obviously not expected anything like this and was absolutely astounded. I went on to tell him very frankly about my discussion with Joanna, and what she said about my virginity (which made him laugh). I didn’t mention about my bottom however, I thought that best left till later if at all. I ended by saying with pretend sternness, ‘So, that’s why I’m here, I made up my mind, I’m going to bed with you whether you like it or not,’ and I gave him both barrels of big blue eyes wide open. He was lovely, his face softened and he looked at me like that again and I started to get even wetter, ‘Caroline,’ he said it.
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